Off out with Bill tomorrow

William and I are taking Bill to Garstang tomorrow. I’m quite looking forward to it, although slightly daunting taking a five year old and an 87 year old out for the day.

Bill is partially sighted, he suffers from macular degeneration and only has peripheral vision, plus he’s been suffering with very swollen ankles for the past couple of weeks and so has been struggling to get his shoes on. Bear in mind this has been going on since he tripped over some Lino in the kitchen and badly twisted his knee. His knee seems a lot better but his ankle is still really sore.

Bill said he always used to go to Garstang with Jean on a Friday and he always enjoyed going to Booths and having a wander round the shops. He has a disabled badge so that should make things easier for parking. Anyway we’ll see how it goes xx

Inner turmoil

I think I must be going through a mid life crisis or something. I feel there must be more to things and that I have to put my all into everything, and if I’m not happy with something I need to change it.

Recently I’ve not been happy with my job and have these notions that I’m worth much more than the role I’m currently doing. To the point where I’ve been seeking promotion within my organisation but so far has borne no fruit.

So in an effort to improve myself I decided I’d look for another job, as a market research interviewer.

I could imagine Mums response if she’d been around- ” Are you sure that’s a good idea? It will be cold and wet, knocking on people’s doors and most of them won’t give you the time of day. Do you need the job? What about the job you’re doing now?”

Of course she’d be absolutely spot on, and I must admit I’m now about to throw in the towel, which I’m not happy about, but in another I will be relieved to not have to trudge the streets in all weathers.

It’s  really been praying on my mind. I think I might go out of my mind if this carries on much longer.


I realised this morning that everything we do has an effect on others.

I popped over to see Ivy and Jim today, Ivy said she’d had a disturbed night again and was up at 4am getting herself washed and dressed ready for the Physiotherapist coming to see her and assess her progress since coming back home about 5 weeks ago.

Unfortunately the phone rang about 10.30am, around the time Ivy was expecting her important visitor, to say the physio hadn’t turned in for work and so the appointment had to be cancelled.

Of course I hope the physio is alright and nothing bad has happened to her, but at the same time I wish she could appreciate just how much Ivy has been on edge in anticipation of the meeting.

To wake up at 4am, Ivy must have been seriously anxious about it.

William aka Bill

William aka Bill

I arranged to pop over to see our neighbour Bill who’s just lost his wife very suddenly. He’s 87 and partially sighted so life is really tough for him. I thought he may appreciate a friendly visitor so I took my son, also called William, over to see him. Before we visited Bill I explained to William that Bill is also called William but that he decided he’d like to be known as Bill. William responded as quick as a flash “Yes, I’ve decided I want to be called Dave”. Brings to mind Trigger from “Only Fools and Horses”. 😂😂😃😃😂😂😃😃

William is at that awkward age (5) where he has to try out everyone’s toilet which can be embarrassing at times, but he was particularly taken with the pink toilet paper!!! Bless him.

Ivy and Jim

Ivy and Jim

My neighbours from across the road. I got to know them last year when Jim fell and broke his hip. I offered a hand of friendship to Ivy mainly because I knew she’d be feeling panicked at being left to cope on her own when her husband of 70 years, yes 70 years was carted off to hospital. They are a true inspiration. Sadly Ivy aged 91 suffered a stroke 2 weeks ago and is in hospital. Now it’s poor Jim’s turn to be left on his Todd. I’m taking turns with other members of the family to take Jim to visit Ivy. Heartbreaking time.

Alcohol free

Over 7 months since I’ve had a drink, quite an amazing feat for me, but I feel great and my bank balance is thanking me for it too. Sorry if I sound just a tad smug, but believe me it’s not all been plain sailing- I’ve had my fair share of anxiety about life, the fact I’m missing my Mum isn’t helping, and having to support my hard drinking Dad also is a paradox in that I want to help him, and I can understand why he wants to blot out the pain of losing his life partner, but at the same time it becomes all too clear why I stopped drinking in the first place, because I was fed up of turning into an obnoxious mess, and my Dad continues to do just that…..

Four alcohol free months

Four alcohol free months

I decided I’d give up alcohol for Lent starting on Ash Wednesday which this year coincidentally fell on the same day as my Mum’s 67th birthday (10th February).

Because Mum was so ill I knew abstaining from alcohol would be a good way to stay in control if ever I needed to drive anywhere at short notice (like to the hospital) and so I embraced the sacrifice and it seemed quite easy.

I’ve gone without alcohol for a couple of months in the past and haven’t found it too bad, especially because I know it isn’t forever, but this time I’m really feeling the benefits of not drinking, I feel great, I sleep much better than before and seem to have much more energy. Considering I used to drink an average of a bottle of wine a night, the amount of money I’m saving each week is mounting up nicely too.

Easter Sunday came and went and I realised I didn’t want to start drinking again – I became aware of a fear of losing control and of hangovers – I just didn’t want to waste any time nursing that awful headachy feeling after a major drinking session. Now in my mid forties, I simply cannot deal with the hangovers – life’s too short quite frankly.

Even now approaching the end of June and Mum has been gone 5 days, the idea of a booze fuelled funeral fills me with dread. I can’t think of anything worse. The funeral is going to be a week tomorrow so I’m planning on adopting the designated driver role to dodge anybody trying to ply me with drink.

I believe in miracles

I believe in miracles

My Mum is now on day 15 without any food whatsoever. She is surviving on water and cups of tea with milk and sugar. She is a miracle on her own, but the fact she has advanced cancer which has spread to her bones, and probably all her organs as well, makes her officially a remarkable woman.

I pray everyday to Mother Mary to keep Mum free from pain and anxiety. So far she has answered my prayers, for which I am eternally grateful.

Mum is also, unbelievably, not taking any pain medication, in fact she is taking no medication at all apart from a mild sleeping tablet at night.

The Galago — Doodlewash

As we near the end of this adventure tomorrow, we have a very small primate called a galago or bushbaby. They earned the nickname of bushbaby because they vocalize by producing child-like cries. They can reach about 10 to 16 inches in length and are covered in a thick wool-like fur. One of their most prominent features are […]

via The Galago — Doodlewash

hey pass the bubble wrap, I thought this bush baby was one of your possums 😌

My four legged friend

My four legged friend

This is Blue, my Persian cat who’s been my partner in crime throughout my thirties. He’s knocking on a bit now as you can imagine, he must be about 12 now which is a damn good age for a pedigree. He was donated to me by a friend of my Dad’s, I think it was partly pity because of my string of failed relationships…..anyway he is still hanging in there through the birth of my son and subsequent marriage and a house move. I have fleeting thoughts of how much longer he’ll be around but then quickly push it to the back of my mind again. I am certain that when he does eventually shuffle off this feline mortal coil I will just dissolve into a complete wreck.